A socially-awkward moron who’s wetter behind the ears than Tarka the office whipping-vole. The perfect new recruit, then.
The token girly of the office is sweet, innocent, and willing to lie about the aforementioned. A woman perma-scorned.
Information Technology overlord – this grants him immunity to office dress code and any other rules he hates; and he hates everything.
Office senior/pervert. If he’s making the coffee, take it black. For the love of God take it black.
Complete the game to unlock this information. Or not. Who knows?